Made-a-Move # 18

Every year there is always the question of ‘What to get Mom for mother’s day?’  Another craft book of things I would love to do if I had time that maybe she could find time for…?… flowers, again…?  Treats that will be enjoyed, but gone as fast as an empty sink gets refilled with dirty dishes ..?..  I know how about I stand up in front of a room full of over a hundred people (most of whom I don’t know) and tell them what a great mom she is

Ok, it was a week early and wasn’t really for Mother’s day.  But I did do the speech.  How many people get the opportunity to use a microphone to tell their mom how great she is?!  Moms do so much to contribute to the successes of, and make a positive impact on, so many people’s lives.  Some more visibly than others.  Each in their own, unique, way.  So, in celebration of my mom’s ways, here is most of the speech I said at a luncheon she was being honored at yesterday as a “Woman of Achievement” for her many years of contributions to her Synagogue:

When my mother first told me about the event, in her humble way, she was hoping at least I and a couple of my girls would come.   Like so many others who are here because she is being honored, my whole family is here today.  And, my brother, who lives in Germany and cannot be here today sends his warmest wishes and lots of love.  Who is Honored?  The question is asked and answered by Ben Zoma in Pirkei Avos (4:1) He who honors others.

Everyone who meets my mom sees how respectful she is of others.  She is ready to help others, but always in a quiet, unassuming and supportive way.  Rather than jumping in and taking over, she waits for direction of how and where they want her help.

When our first child was born, my mom came to help us.  As eager as she was to meet her new granddaughter, she waited (on our request) until we came home from the hospital and were settled before she came to St Paul.  Mom was there to help any way we let her, but managed to not step on toes as the nervous new parents insisted on changing all of the diapers and bathing the tiny baby themselves those first few days.

And when my husband reluctantly went back to work when the baby was 5 days old, Mom was there to help her crazy daughter surprise him by bringing the baby to his work so he could show her off to his co-workers.

While my mom keeps herself busy with exercise to take care of herself, activities with friends, working as a substitute (including being a very much loved Morah at her grandson’s preschool) and volunteering at her synagogue in so many ways, she clearly lets us know that she is always here for us when we need her.   Both for sharing life’s challenges and for sharing our accomplishments and simchas [joyous occassions].

She has mastered the balance (that seems to allude me) of taking care of herself, giving of herself, recognizing her limits, and maintaining the ability to help others in their time of need.  From driving across town to take an ill grandchild home from school in the middle of the day, to helping her daughter with a big fundraising event.  Without ridicule, and always with a loving smile.    Albeit sometimes a tired one.

Honoring Parents is such a major mitzvah [Jewish commandment] that it is included in the 10 Commandments.  How can I give honor to my mom?  It says in the Torah that the way to know if a tree is good is by looking at its fruit.  So, I think it is, in part, by leading a life by her examples of how to treat others and making sure the fruits of her labor are sweet.  I think that is what the concept of “nachas” [mixed feeling of pride and joy] is all about.  Tasting the sweet fruits of your labor – seeing the growth and successes that stem from your efforts – be it the success of the Sisterhood activities she takes part in, or of the children and grandchildren she had a hand in bringing into this world and nurturing.

I’ve always been uncomfortable with receiving compliments – except for one.  Over the years, whenever anyone told me I was like my mom in some way, I always took that as a compliment.  She is one of the strongest people I know.  Like everyone, she has her own set of challenges in life – but she has the fortitude to control her reactions to those challenges and go on to enjoy life, greet everyone with kindness, and be there for others.

We love you, Mom, and I am still growing up trying to be more like you.
Mazel tov to you on receiving this much deserved honor, and thank you for inviting me to be a part of this very special event.  May you continue to be blessed with health and strength, love and respect from family and friends, and nachas from your children and grandchildren.

Made-a-move #14

Artwork by Shoshana

My move for this week has been preparing for and celebrating Passover with my family – a holiday that commemorates the Jewish people leaving the slavery of Egypt to be free to fulfill our purposes in this world.  The participation and help of all of my family has been immense, each in their own way, and greatly appreciated!

The special Passover “Seder” meal the first night(s) of Passover are filled with symbolic items and actions that help us walk through the history of our people’s experiences as being slaves, of crying out to The Creator for help, and His rescuing us and bringing us to freedom.  As is said during the seder, “In every generation, a person is obligated to regard himself as though he had come out of Egypt… It was not only our ancestors whom the L-rd redeemed from Egypt, but He redeemed us with them as well.”   The symbolism presented on the table in front of us during the meal (and all of the hard work preparing for the holiday) set the stage, but to truly feel the redemption, we need introspection.

Artwork by Shoshana

So often we feel like we are “A rose among thorns.”  That harsh conditions around us limit our freedom.  Passover is a time to look inside ourselves and realize how much we are “a slave to ourselves.”  I’ve heard that in the process of training elephants, the baby elephants were chained, at their ankle, to a post when young.  As they grew big, they could easily have escaped the chains through their great strength, but didn’t even try out of memory of not being able to when they tried in their youth.  How much are we held back by our perceptions of our limitations?  Are the thorns really there?  Maybe yes, and maybe no.  Either way we need to realize that there is a way to get past them, blossom to our full potential, and share our beautiful contributions with the world around us.  We need to not allow past experiences blind us to the possibilities now and in the future.

Artwork by Shoshana

As we conclude the Seder with the words “Next Year in Jerusalem”, it is my heartfelt wish that this be a year that we break out of the confined image we have ourselves.  That we realize that we can call out to, and tap into, the infinite strength of The Creator.  That we recognize the incredible potential we have within ourselves.  And, that we can live fulfilling our purpose in this world – be that in Jerusalem, in our world, in our communities, in our family, in our jobs, or, and most importantly, in ourselves.

Health, strength, happiness, and success to you in all of your worthwhile endeavors!

- DebBee

Artwork by DD, Shoshana

Made-a-Move #12   Putting thoughts into writing

  בס”ד

Morning musings….

Appreciating Beauty Within

To cover or not to cover – that is the question.

I think this is a basic principal of what modesty is all about – appreciating the beauty within.  In clothing, speech, actions, etc.  So often, the more that is revealed, the less the true beauty is seen.  Ever hear someone you are not very close to talk about details in their life to the point you think “Too much information – I didn’t need to know that.”  On the other hand, when you have a very close relationship with someone else, their divulging the same level of detail makes you appreciate them that much more.

An artist’s masterpiece painting

The artist themselves and other art experts can look at a finished painting and marvel at the beauty of the brush strokes, the materials used, how this piece compares to others done by that artist or by other artists, use of color, placement of the objects, and other intricacies.  Some art enthusiasts would be able to recognize the beauty and author of the piece even in an odd location, or found rolled in a corner of an attic.  For the general public to appreciate it as a masterpiece, the artwork is partially covered by putting it in a fancy frame, is hung on a wall with special lighting, and may even be covered at times with a curtain for protection.

Royalty – kings & queens

Close your eyes for a moment and picture a king and queen amongst other people.  How are they distinguished from the masses?  How do they speak?  How do they carry themselves? How is their clothing different from others?

The Torah

In the Jewish tradition, the holiest book, called the Torah, is generally kept rolled shut, covered with a decorated velvet covering (or ornate box), crowned and placed in a beautiful cabinet when not in use.  It is clearly recognized by all, even those totally unfamiliar with it, that it is considered highly special.  Those who are more knowledgeable about it, stand in respect when it is taken out, and appreciate the profundity of the words inside when it is uncovered and read.  Those even more knowledgeable can even recognize the beauty of the details of each of the hand-inked letters and the parchment it was written on.

The Jewish Woman

So many people have the misconception that orthodox Jews make their women cover their hair and wear modest clothing to hide their beauty from other men to not tempt them.  Their theory hits a brick wall when they then try to understand how these same women wear beautiful clothing, hats, and wigs.  The modesty rules are not being bent hypocritically – it is the theory that is in need of adjustment.   Just like the art expert, or very close friend, the woman’s husband and immediate family can appreciate her true beauty with or without the fancy coverings.  Traditional Judaism recognizes the incredible beauty, strength, insight, and closeness to G-d that women have.  The modesty customs are not so much to hide the women, but rather to provide a frame by which their special status can be recognized and appreciated by others.  On her wedding day, the woman was recognized and treated like a queen.  Modesty is a means by which she can carry that status throughout her life.

Through modesty a person’s inner beauty can shine through for all to see and appreciate.